20080122
i met amandas at the drive in
at ralleys burger, she was gorgeous smart and beautiful. she handed me my meal and instintly i saw us with 10 kids. like a lighting flash with kids in it, on my next visit wich was midnight i asked her manager whos name was CP if i could please please please know who that girl was whos haning me my food all the time, she sais "amandas" i was then thinking more than one. only better, "can i have her phone number?" yes. here it is, (for the protection of amandas actual phone number will not be used) i couldnt sleep all nite thinking off all thsoe 10 increadibly white babys we would have, we would populate a small apartment on the wrong side of town like noahs ark with them, white kids fucking everywhere. in the yards, screaming and shit breaking our windows all the time. suddenly a flash of reality struck, i have to meet this girl, i call her up and set up our date she seems outgoing and when i talked to her on the phone she was trying to take my order, but finally she relised it was a date and we went to the zoo. the date was magnificant exept while we were in the aquarium part of the zoo my date suddenly had to go to the bathroom to change her fucking diaper. yes she was wearing adult diapers and i was shocked. "ok i can deal with this, so shes wearing adult pampers" who am i kidding? i cant deal with this shit! i left her ass and got lossed in the crowed but she found me on a rollercoster trying to forgot what had just happend, "where did you go?" she asked, "oh shit! shes found me and she knows where i am!" i thought about turning black or having a seaizure so she would get away from me but i just froze, like a nigger in a cops headlights eating a watermellon that i just stoled, "uhm, i just felt like going for a ride, i said" may i have this dance? she asked, on a ride? you want to dance on a ride im thinking ok this bitch isnot going to make kids with any kind of intelligance, Shure! i said. but lets go back your place so i can take off your diaper! (ok at this moment in the date im thinking i can use the diaper sexually) we exit the zoo horny, and are looking forward to fucking the shit out of each other.. when on the ride to her house i ask, so just as a general question amandas what would you name our kids if we had any? she sais well if it was a girl i'd want to name it nikki, and if it was a boy i asked? nikki also. just at that moment we were appraoching a stop sign and are speed was 5 mph. i decided to open my door and ran out like the car was the usa and i was illegal and just saw the border patrol. i aquired minor injuries running away. but my brain was injured for all of eternity, nikki, i thought. isnt that a nigger name? after that enourmous dissapointment i became a oxycontine addcit and lived in the suburbs of los angeles where i ate nothing but burritos the rest of my life depressed
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8 comments:
I find little purpose in this piece. in fact, i think this is crap. the race-based comments (jokes?) are profane. if this piece is an attempt at humor, it is an ill-advised effort at best.
In light of yesterday's holiday, I do not think the publication of this piece could have been more poorly timed. This is garbage.
are you kidding??? it's pure gold. what about all the misspellings, poor grammar, hilarious asides like "ok at this moment in the date im thinking i can use the diaper sexually" and so on.
Spelling errors and poor grammar, yes, but I fail to see any "hilarious" language. Even your attempt to use sarcastic humor in your response is misplaced, doing nothing to support "i met amandas." You and humor don't jive.
I am curious, however, what prompted you to post "i met amandas"? I think it's great that creative writing is being posted on this site and I would love to see far more of that, but this is hardly the debut that I envisioned.
I have no idea what "i met amandas" means; i just copied and pasted this from another forum. i figured it spoke for itself.
This isn't a forum Danny, you silly racist-text copying person. It's a BLOG!
Anyway, despite your denial of authorship (how very po-mo!) I was excited to see that you have gotten into short-story writing. I always thought that food would be a fulfilling course for you to take.
a) what is "po-mo"
b) a goat attacked me this morning, godamn i fucking swear i live out in the country and fucking noah next door and his boatload of animals escaped from his fucking yard. this was at the wee hours of the morning and malinda whos acting like my mother granted ive only known this bitch for a few weeks tells me theres fucking sheeps and rinosaurs in are front yard eating shit and getting into the garbage bins, "shoe them away" yeah fucking right bitch. anyways i go out there and see wilber standing on a prariedog mound like hes going to kick my ass out of my house and start living there his credit card eyes looking at me he lowers head, and busts out in a full trot twords me. i scream like this: AHHHHH and grab the trashcan lid to use it as a shield. then the mother fucker stands up on two legs and tries boxing me with his front legs, like those crazy deer up in canada. fuck i just threw the trashcan lid and hit him on the head that pissed him off even more, so i fell down and acted like i was dead. becouse acting like your dead shoes away animals my fucking ass! his poinky little hooves hurt like steak knives, of course i fell down in such a position to cup my balls. i need those babys. anyways my girlfriend finally called fucking animal control, and there lazy asses finally came out a half hour later. godamn becouse its sunday. im thinking of sueing my dumbass neighbour or becoming a store maniquin look son it was difficult holding a pose for so long but i had to.
a) Pomona, Thor's teddylog.
b) What Would A Viking Barbershop Cyberthash Artist Do?
c) Get it? Food?
Get it?
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